Angry Robot

The Most Wanted Man In History: An Oral History Of the Hunt for Osama bin Laden

I don’t know where to begin with this masterful ClickHole piece. So, here:

Dick Cheney: One day I was watching a PBS telethon to raise money to send the California Raisins to massage school. It was a very enjoyable program, and at one point one of the California Raisins came on stage and talked about how he hated singing and he wanted to become a masseur so that he could give a massage to his whole family. Suddenly, the camera cuts to the people taking calls, and I gasp because one of the people working the phones at this PBS telethon was Osama bin Laden.

Death when it comes will have no sheep.

Story titles, invented by neural network

I’m going through the Lewis and Quark archives because this shit makes me cry with laughter. Here’s a good one, that had me fantasizing about making trailers for:

Letting neural networks be weird • The neural network will name your next band

A lot of potential here, especially if you want a shark-themed band – and why wouldn’t you?

How to Talk to Your Kid About Ja Rule

There is a day in every parent-child relationship that all mommies and daddies worry about, and that is the day their child starts asking about Ja Rule. Here’s how to deal with it.

Google co-founder Sergey Brin is reportedly building a $100 million ‘air yacht’ to help the poor

Valley douchebag charity poseur syndrome

Tainted buffet at Jacksonville strip club blamed after severe diarrhea incident on stage

Onion made real

UPDATE: too good to be true. Fake news.

New paint colors invented by neural network

Or Aphex Twin track names?

Jonathan Kay Is Going to Be Just Fine

UPDATED TRUMP DOCTOR LETTER

Since being sworn in, Donald Trump has lost 50 pounds and gained 17 inches of height. He’s the longest president who has ever lived. His livers are both functioning flawlessly. His blood sets an all-time record for the state of New York for “most” and his blood pressure was rated “excellent” by seven different Fox News Twitter polls. He doesn’t even have one cholesterol.

Fyre Festival, a Luxury Music Weekend, Crumbles in the Bahamas

Lord of the Flies for rich social media influencers

InfoWars’ Alex Jones Loses Custody Case, Ex-Wife Wins Right to Decide Where Children Live

Under cross-examination, he spoke not only about George Soros and overly potent marijuana, but also his taste for zebra meat and canned exotic game hunts, and confirmed that a big bowl of hot Texas chili caused him to forget details about his kids’ lives.

‘Mario Kart 8 Deluxe’ Is A Sobering Commentary On The Perils Of America’s Crumbling Infrastructure

‘Museum of Failure’ celebrates legendary product flops

It may be the worst ad I’ve ever seen. (via Colby Cosh)

The Dallas Runaway Cart GIF

"This GIF has so many characters and subplots, it's like a Shakespearean tragedy"

Indeed. It even has its own oral history article, which contains this amazing quote:

I was hurt probably more than I’d ever been hurt before. But honestly, it was hilarious. I laughed like crazy for about 15 minutes the first time I watched that video, and for the next three or four months I’d just pull that video up and laugh. I was like, man, that cart didn’t have nobody on it, and I wondered if it was Bugs Bunny was driving it or something. There was just something hilarious about that video. I mean, nobody was even driving it!

(via Josh Marshall's twitter, which had a lot of amazing discussion of the GIF he calls "the last supper of fail")

Strange and probably polarizing short film.

David Letterman on Donald Trump and Late-Night TV Today

Looks like SkyNet fused a car engine to a baby stroller and gave it the angry spirit of a traumatized panther

Why Does This One Couch From West Elm Suck So Much?

I Work from Home

Nirvanna the Band the Show puts Toronto front and centre in hilarious new show for VICELAND

Awesome!