Well… there have been two major games in my average day lately, one which has taken over my life like venereal disease.

First… the sucky one: Mario Kart Wii . I used to be a big fan of the Mario Kart Franchise… until the Game Cube. Here was my problem with Double Dash… they uped the sparkly factor. What used to be a fun, enjoyable ride of silliness turned into a manic dash of insanity. Mario Kart evolved into a spinning, tye-dyed mess of obnoxious light and sound. Yet I played it because it was still Mario Kart.

Enter: Mario Kart Wii. I fucking hate this game with a fiery passion. Now, not only are you bombarded not by 7, but 11 other opponents ceaselessly as you navigate poorly designed insanity while dodging weapon after weapon almost every five seconds but it seems that you can drop from first into twelfth in the blink of an eye. And… to make things “more interesting” new weapons have been added… pointless, stupid, weapons… The Pow Block, The Rain Cloud, Bullet Bill… all that is needed is a spinning, angry, dive-bombing sun and the arsenal is complete. Sweet Zombie Jesus… why not just strap a water pack on our backs (a la: Super Mario Sunshine) while we are at it. within the first rounds of Karting I hurled my controller into the couch and stormed off for half an hour (Nadine can attest to this).

The also included old maps… alright… cool… I did miss a few of those. But for the love of Jeebus, make them optional. We are playing this for the new shit, not the old. I will play the old maps if you let me, but I don’t want to be required to.

I played this game and felt like I was jammed into a dryer with a dozen angry midgets and several jars of glitter and set to “tumble dry.” I didn’t need this. I won’t be playing again.

Alright, Second: GTA IV

Woot!

This has made me so friggin’ happy I am willing to forget the spiky anal probe of Mario Kart.

There are things that I don’t like, and due to my nature I’ll talk about those first: They took away the bicycles that were in San Andreas . I loved those. They were a joy to hop around on and a great escape vehicle and are sorely missed in my humble opinion. Second: They took away character building. Yes, it was a pain in the ass to go to the gym and work out or go to the gun range to improve your skill, but I really felt like it help connect you to the person you are playing in the game. Third: I am not thrilled that you have a cell phone and the internet. D may disagree with me, but I have a love/hate relationship with my cell and internet in real life. I never call people and I REALLY don’t like surfing the internet and I resent being required to use it in the game. Finally: The maintenance missions. I didn’t like the dating and territory claiming stuff from San Andreas because it would so often interfere with my rampages, or relaxed city cruises… and now you are asked to keep ALL of your relationships (friend or otherwise) up… blah…

Anyway, I’ll talk more about it later.

This game is so damn good looking, and the character interaction with his environment so clean you can’t help but fall into Liberty City… It’s Dirty… really dirty. People walk around in it talking to each other, talking to themselves, carrying any number of objects that they drop when startled. Nico Bellic himself is a brilliant testament to design… He is so imperfect. He falls over when he shins himself, he grabs his head when he hits it, he rolls when he hits the ground, staggers when he trips, stumbles when he is drunk… The environmental interaction is a wonder to behold…

I just like this game…

Anyway, enjoy the throwaway comic… it took longer that it looks.

Well…

I am sorry not to get a comic done this week…however, because of this there is going to be some crazy exciting stuff ready for you in the future. I have been drawing an average of 8 hours a day to make some nifty new stuff…and you will eventually see it.

So, the marathon didn’t scare me off Grand Theft Auto…in fact I’ve been on and off San Andreas again…not alot because of the aforementioned business, but for the odd hour here and there.

Will there be something awesome here next week?

You bet your sweet ass.

Well, the fine folks here at Angry Robot may well be insane. This week, and I can not remember who’s brilliant plan it was (not mine), we decided to play through all of the Grand Theft Auto Games as a lead up to the release of Grand Theft Auto IV. I don’t want to go into details because we will go into details about it later in the fashion of the Halo Marathon.

Clearly we are suckers for punishment.

Strangely enough, I am not sick of them. In fact, this has only reminded me of how much I love the games and has made me want to run home and play them… right now! I love San Andreas… I Love BMXing, I Love hanging with my homies (regardless of the fact that if I used that term out side of the digital-world I would have my skinny ass handed to me on a silver platter), I love Cruising the San Andreas countryside on a motorbike, I love flying planes and crashing trains…

I don’t like the dating mini-games… but whatever.

To those who believe that these games instill violence I scoff at you and highly recommend that you go back under your rock and rot and not buy the games for your kids instead of bitching about it and making your kids want to play it more by reminding them of it’s taboo. When I play the GTA (NAMBLA) games I come off more mellow than I could ever wish for. It’s like a cool beer after a long hot day… complete and utter satisfaction.

Don’t Harsh my mellow… or my Mane…

I have a problem. I have a Halo addiction and I am told the first step is to admit I have a problem.

So… I’ve been drawing my ASS off… trying to get AS many comics done as I can before my life gets super busy (with an income, as a bonus!) I’ve been trying to come up with comics to do because there has been a shortage of games recently, but with the upcoming Grand Theft Auto 4 (or NAMBLA for those who love acronyms) and others I will soon be rolling in happiness again.

I’ve been craving Battlestar Galactica…

but…I am too cheap to buy it. As a bonus though Nadine and I do have the Ark of Truth, which is admittedly not as COOL as Battlestar, but it’ll do…

Anyway, have a good one.

Well… this week I was feeling particularly cranky, so I decided to make Eyeless Max so very wrong in so many ways. Any problems with that? Well… shaddup…

So I unburied Crackdown this week in order to play it with D…

We discovered a few wonderful things you can do with co-op mode:

A) Car Surfing: Evidently wind plays no factor in the Crackdown world because while your partner drives you can easily surf atop a vehicle like you are wearing magnetic boots… You can also target the gas tanks of passing cars and, if your firearms skill in high enough, explode cars with a single shot. This is REALLY handy for dealing with cars full of gang members without having to get out and get shot up.

B) Orb Collecting: This isn’t really anymore useful in two player mode, but the extra set of eyes never hurts… you both collected your own orbs so they can’t be stolen from you, which is also pretty neat.

c) Random Road Races: Well, it doesn’t really help progress you in the game… in fact, if anything the pedestrians you will in no doubt slaughter on the way will only HURT your skill…. but it’s so damn FUN!!!

That’s not alot…
but I’m sure D has a few to add…
D?

Well, in the ongoing theme we have regarding robots of any kind I bring you something new… well relatively. The article is over a year old, but is still pretty damn cool.

It’s a flying solar powered robot without any motor. It’s on the drawing board as a possability for planetary exploration. How? Well find out for yourself… I recommend the video, it’s funny but pretty informative.

The aircraft involves the use of Electroactive Polymer… a flexible material that regains its original rigid state when subjected to electricity. Many of us might remember this from Batman Begins… it’s good to know that among all that baterangs and shark repellent (all right, different movie) there is some real science.

For those who LOVE science you can also take a look at this.

I am a lazy jerk, and though I may have half a brain there was way too much material there for me, but good luck anyway! personally I think the development of a flexible lithium battery is half the coolness of the story… that and the creepy red orifice in the base of this thing. It makes it look like some kind of killer flying space-leech.

Lousy little rat…. ruining television for an entire generation….

So, This week was an interesting week.

Last tuesday I bit down on an almond and chipped a tooth. Let me tell you the story: Five years ago the roots in one of my molars up and died. according to the dentist there was no real reason for it… it just did. I had to have a root canal and my tooth was filled. Two years ago I was eating a piece of black licorice and my root canal broke, taking with it a piece of the tooth behind it. So I had to have the old root canal filled and the newly damaged tooth filled. NOW I get to have ANOTHER root canal and two crowns put in.

All that said… I actually take care of my teeth because every single nightmare I’ve had over the last 5 years involve losing teeth.

The past weekend was also interesting. Nadine and I went to Ad Astra, the book convention. I was honoured to share a beer with a number of authors I hold great respect for and even presented the chance to draw many of them in comic form in an upcoming, top secret project.

So… I’ve taken a week break from Eyeless Max in order to horrify our readers with a drawn representation of my naked body. Not even steel wool will be able to scrub that one out of your brain.

D and I have been going Halo nuts. D has been even analyzing past matches to find our weak points. So let me sum up what we’ve been doing in our matches:

We are sub-par Halo players. We are far from the best on the net, but we aren’t terrible… no random blind shooting in the hope of hitting things. We have been mysteriously winning most of our matches, however. How? well… Any combination of D, Rugatu, Leto, Nadine, Duiker, (and a few others that I’ve most likely forgotten) go online as a team and talk to each other rapidly. We’ve found that we actually fare pretty well against people who would normally have us dead to rights by just sticking together, covering each others asses, and holing up when things are tight…

Some recommendations…
a) Bubble shields are your friends: Plug up small entrances with ‘em… prevent your enemies from making long distance kills by forcing them to come to you.

b) Keep your distance: Guru players love instant kills with shotguns, hammers, and beatdowns… they wait around corners and don’t move so they don’t show up on the radar, so tread carefully and remember… your battle rifle is an amazing tool for taking them down without getting close… Aim for the head…

c) Go in twos. This way you can cover entrances easier, bump off weakened enemies who just pegged your pal, and move with relative safety.

d) Go for the bigguns: Learn the maps on your own and where the heavy hitting weapons are. If enemies learn that all you use is a rocket launcher they’ll think of you as a threat and find a way to kill you… but if you use it randomly and sparingly enough you can really throw people off balance. Show them you have the power but not the ego to abuse it. keep them guessing…

e) Jayne’s favorite toy: Grenades! that’s right…. they’re everywhere… when in doubt… toss a grenade. They keep your enemy mobile and prevents campers, they flush out corners and corridors, they cause you enemies attention to briefly go elsewhere… they are a fantastic tool. And it’s a great surprise for the asshole hiding in the dark with a Grav Hammer.

f) Finally: Talk… give your pals a running commentary of where you are and what you see. Information is the key… use it.

That’s it kids…. have a good one

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I love my x-box. It makes me almost as happy as my MacBook Pro and Sex makes me (separately, of course. The USB ports are not nearly big enough.) However, the other day my rage nearly got the best of me.

Naruto induced my rage.

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