Angry Robot

Best of the Worst of d/blog

I have many, many flaws – ugly clothes, drool ‘issues’, questionable personal hygeine, nonstop sailor mouth, repeated “pull my finger” requests, wooden leg, inability to communicate without referencing MC Miker G’s Holiday Rap, lump of coal where heart should be, penchant for getting run over, unwilling to leave house without arming self to teeth, breakfast martinis, steroid rage – but one thing I take great personal pride in is my robust internal censor. Amazing as it may seem, not everything that comes into my filthy drool-encrusted head gets posted here. I have a backlog of posts deemed unsuitable by the mysterious little inbred Leprechaun carnies who run tings inside my brain. Here, for your interest, are some tastes of those forbidden posts, ranked from best to worst:

• what good is a morally superior smudge of gore on the underside of a Suburban?
• What can I say, the beers were going down like lemmings off a cliff.
• Snow plus cars plus several days of bandying around (unfreeze, freeze, repeat) spawns slush, begets black ice, breeds that sandy nameless grated ice that slips cars crashingly along their way.
• Dan Bejar’s obvious stage presence is a function of his absence.
• I’m sick of post-modernism [and also sick of writing about being sick about it -ed.]
• Recently I went all-digital with the music collection. [and wrote about it until I bored myself to tears -ed.]
• After much thought, I’ve just deleted a comment. [ yawn The thrill factory never sleeps! -ed. ]
• If Columbus’s win streak ends, which inevitably it will, my team will nosedive into a breathtaking spectacle of sheer, overwhelming failure. [I almost posted about my hockey pool. Fun! -ed.]
• not to review yet- things are turned over and the experiment of the day, BBQed bread, is not yet wrecked. where was I willy? willy wanna wet-one? wetnap? [from depressing experiment in freewriting -ed.]

There were definitely more, but I have to go now because my home planet needs me, and my number #1 cause of not posting something is because I got halfway through writing it and got bored. I’m already pretty sleepy here, so quickly! I post!