Angry Robot

Jeepers Creepers

What the hellfuck is with Jeepers Creepers? Number one, it’s a bad movie – I mean a really bad movie, so bad I’m not even sure it’s a movie. The self-made critic notes “the entire film is a set up for a bad pun. We, the audience, are the punned. It’s an outrage.” Number two, it’s exec produced by Francis Ford Coppola. Number three, it opened at #1, made $37-mil domestic on a $10-mil budget, and a sequel is due out at the end of august. Now I know ‘bad movies get big money’ is the rule rather than the exception, but I ask you this: if you were an ageless, unkillable winged demon, would you ride out your days in farm country dressed as a fourth-rate serial killer who drives a 1940s army truck like a blind two-year-old, honking all the while? Would you while away the time picking up defenseless teens and stitching them together? Motherfucker failed out of demon school, that’s for damn sure. I’m thinking maybe several congruent learning disabilities and an extremely low resultant IQ, coupled with low self esteem and crippling lack of career focus. If I were an invincible lord of hell, I’d be running a major corporation by now, if not grinding the entire globe under my brutal iron heel. If nothing else, I’d have a job at the local video store. But not fucking Jeepers. Get ready for Jeepers Creepers 2: Return of the Chronically Depressed, Sack-of-Shit Demon Idiot.